just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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