I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
