It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
