My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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