Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
