whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
