so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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