Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
