My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
