he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
