I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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