I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
