I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
