I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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