You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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