She said her name was "party"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
