is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
