I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
