I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
