So drunk its hurt
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
