Pants 0. Shit 1.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
