May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
