Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
