dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
