this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
