my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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