First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
