her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
