On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
