he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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