hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
