hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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