In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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