Don't make out with my wife yet
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
