After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
