Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
