I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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