I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
