She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
