What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"