i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.