Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
