thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
