When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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