Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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