What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
