just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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