When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Mom said you looked used
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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