so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
