PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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