yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
