cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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