im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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