Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
