Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
