Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
