I feel great
I just peed on a car
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
