Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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