Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
So. Much. Porn.
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