I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
