This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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