after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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