I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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