I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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