I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
