You're a womanizer and a bitch.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm really busy with my period
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