He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
