just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
