he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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